Don't you just hate it when something is out of your control and there is nothing, and I mean nothing you can do to change the situation...accept...deal???
Today I drove my husband to the airport. He left today for his deployment to Iraq. Saying goodbye to him was the hardest damn thing I've ever done. I mean, I know he's going to come back, it's not a forever kind of thing but still...
Of course being me, I cried copious tears and of course there were a lot of people at the airport. I was sitting in the mini van, waiting for my husband to load up his gear onto a cart. When he was done he came up to me and hugged me close, real tight you know, then he kissed me. All I could think was I'm not going to be able to feel his lips against mine for a long time. I won't be able to see him, touch him. He kept brushing the tears away, telling me how much he loved me and how he knew I was strong enough to do this...At one point this big biker guy came up and wanted to shake Brian's hand, thanking him for his service to his country. Then he looked at me and smile, this real sweet smile and then apologized to me. I was confused. I didn't know this guy, he didn't owe me an apology...than he said he never really stopped to think how hard it was on the family, having to say goodbye. This big guy had tears in his eyes, he said watching us say goodbye made him see things in a whole new light.
Was I upset that someone saw our goodbye? No, it was it was...two people having to part for a time. I know my husband will come back to me safe and whole but this was an experience I could have lived my whole life not...well, experiencing. I don't know why people love to romanticize war. Trust me, there is nothing romantic about what I've been dealing with since we "got the call" or rather the "orders." There is a whole slew of emotions one has to deal with, anger, fear, frustration, sadness, loneliness, even panic. Yes, panic. You'd be amazed what you think, feel and respond to under this situation. But, romance, yeah, that didn't enter into to it. I mean we both realize how much we love each other, how much we need the other, the roles we play in each other's life. There is no doubt my husband is my best friend. We've been married 18 years, together for 20. That is a lot of history a lot of shared tears and laughter and of course love. That's what's going to get us through this deployment...
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